


Wish You Were Here

by World_of_AUs



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Protective Bucky Barnes, biker!bucky barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:14:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23998807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/World_of_AUs/pseuds/World_of_AUs
Summary: Bucky will go to any extent to protect his family, even to the extent of pushing you far away from him, but has he gone to far this time.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 49





	Wish You Were Here

“James, sweetheart five more minutes and then I’m going to need you to come inside and wash up before dinner!” you yelled through the backdoor of your home. Your rambunctious five-year-old looked up from where he was ankle deep in his sand box. You watched as your son comically threw his head back, a loud groan leaving his lips, “but mom!” 

Though you knew your raised brow would be to no avail you still raised it anyway, your hands on your hip, “five minutes James, five minutes and no longer,” you called out.

You could almost hear his grumpy fine, as he glared at you from his spot in the sand. You chuckled at his behavior before turning away from the door, returning to your post at the sink where you were washing the pots you had used to whip up dinner for the two of you. You watched your son from the window above the sink, he looked so happy, so carefree, you wished all his days were like this. Recently his behavior had been at an all-time high, there was usually no consoling the five-year-old, not when he wanted his dad, and nothing to do with mom. What were you supposed to tell him though, surely “oh yeah daddy’s not going to be home anytime soon because he chose the club over you and I” would be the last thing your son would want to hear. Every day that passed you could see your son’s once happy form slowly shrink in on itself, you knew he sensed the change in your home, he could sense his father’s absence, and it was affecting the both of you.

You sighed as you shut off the sink putting the last pan up to dry, peering up you saw your son stare off into the distance towards the front of your home before he was bolting from the sandbox. You watched with wide eyes as he ran past the back door, right past the side of your home. You cursed as you turned on your heel making your way through your home practically ripping the door off its hinges as you pulled it open. You ran down the steps two at a time, freezing at the last step, hand to your chest as you tried to catch your breath.

“Mama, mama, look uncle Steve is here!” he beamed from where he sat in Steve’s arms.

You gave him your best tight-lipped smile, “I can see that baby, say why don’t you go wash up real quick so I can talk to Uncle Steve,” You saw your son frown.

“Do I have to mommy, I really want to spend time with Uncle Steve,” he whispered eyes casted down.

You sighed, heart breaking, “as soon as you freshen up, I promise you can come right back out and spend a few minutes with Uncle Steve, okay?” you bargained.

Just like that a bright smile took over your son’s tiny face as he squirmed in his uncles hold. You watched Steve place him down, your son running up to you hugging your thighs tightly, “Love you momma,” he whispered placing a wet kiss to your leg.

“Love you too, now go on, go get cleaned up baby,” you spoke softly ruffling his brown locks. The second you heard your front door close you looked over to Steve.

“What are you doing here Steve?” you questioned arms crossing over your chest.

“It’s Bucky y/n he’s - ”

You held up your hand silencing him, “where’s Natasha?” you questioned.

Steve sighed, “Y/n it’s not what you think, it’s -”

You shook your head, “I don’t want to hear it Rogers, I asked where Natasha was?” you muttered.

Steve ran a hand through his hair, “Clint got into a bit of a slip-up with another member, she was called to go stitch him up.”

“so then wait for her to get back, Natasha has skilled hands she’ll be quick”

You could see Steve was getting impatient, “y/n Bucky will have lost a lot of blood by the time she gets to him, he need’s you.” he tried

“Yeah well we all need things, doesn’t mean it always happens,” you muttered looking at the floor.

“Please y/n,” he was getting desperate.

“This better be the last time Steve, I told you I wanted out the second he decided our family wasn’t his top priority, the second he decided-” your words caught in your throat, you couldn’t bring yourself to say it. Your head fell, you shook it slightly as you willed the tears away. You took in a shaky breath eyes meeting Steve’s, “where is he?”

Steve was about to answer, when you heard the distant rumble of two more bikes, one that you had grown accustomed to seeing for years.

“were you guys just going to show up,” you hissed at Steve, “did you just think I would agree to this?” you questioned getting angrier by the second.

“We were hoping you would say yes,” he sighed, “there was no one else y/n, you were always there to nurse us back to health, he needed you.” 

You scoffed, “needed me, understatement of the fucking year,” you muttered under your breath as the bikes drew closer.

You watched Steve rush over to Bucky, his frame wobbling, your eyes grew concerned.

“Hey y/n,” Sam greeted, you nodded your head at him, “Samuel.”

Your eyes widen the second they land on Bucky, and you can’t control yourself as your feet carry you to him like they had done so many times before. A worried gasp is leaving your lips as you pull at the lapels of Bucky’s jacket, your feet almost fail you, there’s blood, so much blood, your face pales. “What the fuck happened,” you whisper eyes looking from Steve, Sam and then finally landing on his.

“Should see the other guy,” he smirks, “missed you doll,” he murmurs.

You scoffed, “please Barnes, if this doesn’t kill you, I’ll do it myself, what were you thinking coming here like this I have James inside the house!” you growled.

“Now sweetheart -” he’s cut off by the sound of your front door slamming, your son’s voice squealing in delight, “DADDY!”

Your eyes widen in horror, your son had never seen his dad like this, “apply pressure to the wound” you hiss turning on your heel to stop your son from getting any closer, but he’s too quick and before you can even get his name out in warning he’s stopping in front of his dad and uncles. He’s frozen, his head turns to look up at you slowly, “mommy, why is daddy bleeding?” he questions you, you can see his lip start to wobble his eyes glistening, a knot formed in your throat, this is what you wanted to avoid.

Your dropping to your knees to turn your little boy to face you, you need to divert his eyes from the blood soaking his shirt, your hands reach up to cup his cheeks, “daddy’s bleeding because he got hurt baby he’s -”

“is daddy going to die?!” your son questioned cutting you off, his voice scared.

“oh baby no, daddy’s not going to die, it’s just a cut, like a booboo,” you tried to reassure, “uncle Steve and Sam brought him to mommy, and mommy’s going to take care of him.”

“You promise you’re going to make him all better?” he questioned eyes glistening, bottom lip trembling.

Your thumbs ran under his cheek, “I promise baby, he’s going to-” 

You were cut off by Steve’s frantic calls of Bucky’s name, you and your son looked up to see Bucky slouched over, face paler than when he had first arrived.

Your son looked over to you in fear, tears falling down his cheeks, “Mommy, what’s wrong with daddy,” he cried, “mommy please help daddy you promised, you promised you would make him better!” he screamed reaching for Bucky’s leg.

You held your son back while you shouted for Steve and Sam to get Bucky inside, and to your room. All the while attempting to soothe your thrashing five-year-old, the wails for his father tore at you. You scooped him into your arms, running with him towards the house as you tried to calm his tears. Sam greeted you in the living room reaching for your son, “ he’s in the room, Steve’s applying pressure, I’ll watch the little guy.”

Your son kicked and screamed some more, “mommy no, please mommy,” he wailed as you pulled away from him, tears glistening In your own eyes, “please don’t let anything happen to daddy, please!”he said reaching towards you. You wanted to rush back and hold your son tightly while you whispered reassuring words into his ears, but right now you had a promise to keep, “daddy’s going to be okay baby, mommy promises daddy’s going to be okay,” you called back disappearing down the hallway into your room.

You entered the door shutting it behind you, your materials were already spread out on your night stand, you looked over to your bed, Steve hovering over Bucky, “i got the bleeding to stop but he’s not looking good y/n,” you nodded your head stiffly.

“I’ll take it from here Steve, just please go help Sam with James, please,” you whispered.

Steve gave you a stern nod before he was leaving Bucky’s side, you moved forward to take his spot. You made quick work of cutting open his shirt, you had no time to waist as your hands weaved between your nightstand and the wound on Buckys stomach, this was second nature to you, you had been doing this for years now, though this was the worse you had seen during your time at the club, the most you had ever seen was a small gash, but this was something new, even for you. By the time you were done with Bucky, you knew you’d need to get rid of the clothes on your skin, the sheets beneath his body, and likely get a new bed.

You were numb by the time you completed the last stitch, your skin was crawling as you looked down at the blood that covered your hands and your shirt. Making your way over to your bathroom you scrubbed frantically at the blood on your skin till it was red and raw. You slipped off your shirt dumping it in the trash-bin and slipping on another. You walked back over to Bucky checking on him, his breathing was even, and his color was returning ever so slowly. You went to push his hair from his face when soft knocks sounded on your door, you turned your head muttering a weak “come in”.

Steve peeked his head in giving you a small smile, before he was pushing in, the door behind him closing, “how is he?” he questioned.

You took in a shaky breath, “he did lose quite a bit of blood, but with enough rest and some food and water he’ll make a recovery, wouldn’t suggest moving him for a good day he’s going to be in for a hell of pain, so he can stay here, you and Sam as well if you’d like.”

Steve nodded, his eyes meeting your dazed ones, “thank you for helping us, for helping him, how are you doing?”

Who knew those words would be the ones to break you, the first tear fell and after that it was like a dam had been destroyed, a month worth of tears and pain fell through. Sobs wracked your body, your hands coming up to your face to try and contain them. Steve rushed forward his arms wrapping tightly around you. “It’s been a month Steve, a fucking month of radio silence, and the day he shows up he’s halfway to being on deaths door,” you cried “it’s been a long and hellish month of hearing James beg to see his dad, hell to see any of you, he misses the club, and he can’t quite understand why dads never home to play with him, tuck him in, have a movie night, it’s funny that when the lot of you decide to finally show up it’s because Natasha wasn’t available to keep this asshole from dying, it wasn’t because you wanted to see your nephew, it wasn’t because he finally decided he was choosing his family, no it’s because he was hurt and you had nobody else,” your mad now, angry hot tears rolling down your cheeks as you swat at Steves chest, “did you see that little boys face when you showed up, did you see how his eyes lit up to see his dad, did you even care to think how this might affect us you guys coming here after a month of nothing” you yelled, “you can’t even begin to imagine how hard it is to raise that little boy on my own when all he wants is to see or spend time with his dad, he can feel his absence, I can feel his absence, and it’s all because I asked him to cut back from the club a little, just a little, and what does he decide,” you shake your head, “he decides that he can’t do that, that his family isn’t enough.”

“Y/n –”

You shook your head, “I don’t want to hear it Steve, if it’s not coming from his mouth,” you said pointing to your bed, “I don’t want to hear it.”

Steve tried to speak a confused look on his face but there was another knock on your door, this time Steve was the one to call them in. You had expected to see Sam and James, and you did but there was another head popping in behind them, you steeled yourself, your eyes watched as she went over to your bed, her hands running over the now bandaged wound, she looked up at you with worried eyes, “is he going to be okay?”

“he’ll be fine, he probably won’t wake for the rest of the evening but he’ll make it.”

You felt tapping at your legs to see your son looking up at you wide eyed, “did you fix him mommy, did you make daddy all better.”

You kneeled down smiling at your son, god he looked so much like his dad, “yeah baby mommy made daddy all better, he’s going to be okay,” you murmured.

Your son’s eyes lit up his arms throwing themselves around your neck, “I love you mommy, thank you for taking care of daddy like you take care of me”

“Love you too baby,” you whispered kissing the side of his head.

Your arms wrapped around your son as you hoisted him up, his arms still wrapped tightly around your neck, his cheek smushed to yours, “you guys are welcome to stay as long as you like, I’m going to go and feed this little guy and spend time with him before bed so if you don’t mind cleaning up I would appreciate it.” you murmured before you were stepping past Steve and Sam making your way out of your bedroom.

You didn’t see the three of them the rest of the evening, your sole attention on your son. James stayed glued to your side the rest of the evening, some part of him was always touching you, like he was grounding you to him, whether it be his hand holding yours while you ate dinner in silence, his toes brushing yours where they were nestled deep in the sand box, or his hands rubbing your cheek, his petite frame in your lap while you read to him in the comfort of his bed before bedtime. 

“Mommy can I spend time with daddy tomorrow?” he questioned quietly while you tucked him into bed.

“Only if he’s feeling better, if he is you can go spend some time with him in the room, daddy’s booboo is very painful so he won’t be able to play with you.” you murmured pushing his hair from his face. The same grey eyes you had fallen in love with where staring right at you in the form of a new love.

“That’s okay, I can find another way to play with him, oh I know I can take him my blocks and a book and maybe some of my favorite toys that make me feel better when I got a booboo,” he replied cheerfully, his smile growing wider as he thought of all the things he could do with his dad, “i’ll make him feel all better like you did mommy!”

You smiled softly, “I bet you will baby, but right now mommy needs you to get some rest, and as soon as you wake up you can go see your dad,”

He grinned brightly before he was leaning forward placing a kiss to your lips, “goodnight mommy,”

You stood placing one last kiss to his head, “goodnight baby,” you whispered, turning off the light before making your way from the room leaving the door slightly cracked.

Looking towards your bedroom the room to your door was still shut, but a light shone at the bottom, you suspected the other three were still in there with him.

The events of the day finally caught up to you as you sat at your kitchen table a glass of water in front of you. Your form crumpled as you finally let the tears fall, hadn’t life given you enough pain when Bucky walked out the door, it seems it hadn’t because now you had to witness the man you still loved almost die, and to hear the wails of your son crying out for the dad he missed dearly, well that just about did you in. 

_“Bucky we barely even see you now, the only time we do is if I’m needed at the club and I have to bring James along,”_

_Bucky sighed, his lips set into a deep frown, “Y/n this club is our life, the club needs me now more than ever, especially with Rumlow sticking his nose in our business.” he muttered his hands scrubbing over his face._

_“The club is not our life Buck, this,” you said gesturing around you “this is our life.”_

_Bucky looked up at you his face set in a cold glare, “what is it that you want y/n, you want me to just drop everything, to leave the club, to be home with you and our son?”_

_“Is that so bad to ask for?” you questioned in disbelief, “is me wanting you to spend a little more time with me and your son a bad thing?”_

_He sighed standing from the table, “i can’t do this right now, I don’t want to fight with you,”_

_“then when are we going to do this Bucky,” you asked, “because between the club and you plotting with Steve, Sam, and Natasha, we barely even see you, James is always asking for you, he’s always asking for you throughout the day.”_

_“I’m working to keep the club running, I’m working to keep this family safe,” he said turning on you eyes in a cold glare, “the club might not be important to you, but it is to me, why can’t you be like the others, why can’t you be like Natasha?”_

_The question knocked you off your feet, the green monster rearing its ugly head into you, “wha-” you paused gathering your jealousy fueled thoughts, “what do you mean be like Natasha?” you whispered._

_“Natasha lives for the club, she fights to keep things right, she’s there.” he hissed._

_“Buck-”_

_“No y/n I know what you’re asking, and I’m sorry but I can’t, the club needs me, they need me now more than ever, we’re close to getting the upper hand on Rumlow and I’m not risking him getting away again.”_

_“So that’s it, the club, catching Rumlow, all that means more to you than your family, than your son, than me?” you questioned your voice wavering._

_“Yeah I guess so,” he muttered._

_“Then I want out James, I can’t do this anymore, I can’t be second choice, and neither can your son, it’s not right, I don’t want our son growing up around all this, we could handle it, but he’s beginning to understand everything, and I can’t raise him around the dangers that lurk.”_

_He scoffed before he was moving towards the door, “where are you going?” you questioned watching his retreating back._

_He looked over his shoulder, “to Natasha’s,”_

_The jealousy reared into you again, “why?”_

_He glared at you, “because she’s there.”_

That night that he left to Natasha’s you hadn’t seen or heard from him since, and it had only been harder when James started asking where daddy was. You hadn’t been too sure what to tell him, so you did the best you could and gave him the same short answer every time, with a promise that daddy would be home soon. Every day that passed James stopped asking less and less about his father, and when he was coming home. He knew something had changed, but he wasn’t sure what caused it, the day that he promised he would start being a good boy so daddy would come home broke you. Your son was blaming himself, and you didn’t know what to do or say to fix any of this.

The sound of feet walking down the hallway pulled you from your thoughts, you quickly wiped at your tears, fanning at your face. You looked to your side to see the Sam, Steve, Natasha. You gave them a nod before your eyes were going back to you glass. You heard the scrapes of the chairs next to you, you looked up their eyes trained on you.

“You okay?” Sam questioned.

You scoffed, you were so tired of that question, “does it look like I’m okay Sam, I already tore into Steve earlier, but maybe I’ll feel the tiniest bit better if I give it another go,” you muttered. They looked at you confused didn’t say anything so you continued.

“I haven’t heard from Bucky since he left a month ago, I also haven’t heard from any of you either, none of you called, texted or even showed up, and trust me I get it there’s things going on at the club so to some extent I understand,” you took a breath, “but you know what I can’t understand, is that it took Bucky being critically injured and Natasha not being available for you all to come by, you didn’t come by to see us, check on us, to spend time with James, no, you came because you had no other choice, so how do you think I’m feeling?” you hissed

“But y/n”

“But nothing Sam, the day Bucky left, I had asked Bucky to simply spend more time with me and his son, I never once asked him to give up the club, that’s his life, but it wasn’t mine, not since we had James, and just like Bucky wanted to protect us, and keep us safe, that is why I chose to leave, James was beginning to understand the things he saw when I would bring him out with me, I couldn’t put my son through that, so I made that decision for my family,” you sucked in a breath, “when I told him my decision he decided that he didn’t want to fight, didn’t want to fight for us, but before he left he asked me why I couldn’t be like all of you, like Natasha, she was apparently more understanding, was there for him when I wasn’t, but the only time he wanted me around the club is when he called for me,” you shook your head, “so I’m sorry if I’m not doing my best, but the day Bucky left, he didn’t just leave with his things, no, he took all of me with him, so excuse me if I’m not the welcoming committee you all were expecting but for a month I had to raise my son alone, my son who asked me every hour of everyday where his father was and if he was finally coming home today, and that continued for weeks till he just stopped asking, stopped expecting to see the bike pull up, the door open.”

“Y/n,” natasha spoke up, you looked up at her through tear filled eyes, “we had no idea, none of us knew, Bucky didn’t explain any of this to us, he never told us there was any issues going on at home”

“of course he wouldn’t,” you scoffed, “as soon as he entered the club, it was strictly club business, family and home was not supposed to be brought up.”

“no y/n, understand when we say none of us knew, there’d be times we would ride with him over here once we were finished up at the club, and he would pull just outside of the gates, till we were out of sight, we thought he was coming home to you.”

“well he wasn’t, how did you not know about this?” you questioned her, “that night he left he said he was going to you, because you were there, because you’ve always been there.” you muttered.

“y/n I can assure you Bucky did not come to me that night, Bucky hasn’t been to my home unless it was with one of these two,” she said gesturing to Sam and Steve.

“she’s right y/n,” Steve spoke up quietly, “we swear none of us knew this was happening, or that it was this bad.”

“yeah y/n, if Barnes wasn’t recovering, I would have knocked him on his ass.” Sam muttered, reaching out his hand to you, you looked at his palm skeptically before placing yours in his.

“But Steve when I spoke to you outside before the two of them got here you seemed like you knew,” you questioned confused.

“Bucky told us he had upset you pretty bad before he arrived at the club this morning, he said you weren’t going to be too happy seeing us there, that you might not want to help, because of how bad he messed up, I tried telling him you couldn’t stay mad with him, much less with the fact that he was stabbed, but he kept holding off coming over here, I just thought you were extremely upset still, but I didn’t know it was because of all this so when you got upset with me in the room, I was surprised as well, but you wouldn’t let me get a word in.”

You shoulders sagged, “so none of you knew,” you whispered shakily.

Sam’s thumb ran over your hand, “we swear none of us knew, we would never let you go through something like this y/n you have to believe us.”

You knew you believed them, they were the closest thing to family that you had, you knew they wouldn’t lie to you, not like this. The only thing that was bothering you was the thought that Bucky was hiding something much bigger, bigger than all of you if he went to this extent. To say your night had been restless was an understatement. You barely slept a wink, you were more concerned with confronting Bucky, to get to the bottom of all this, you needed to know why he had done what he did.

Sam, Steve, and Natasha had stayed up with you as long as they could, they reassured you every second that your mind raced with the thoughts of “what ifs”. Eventually you sent them off to the two guest bedrooms despite their protests.

“guys really, go get some rest, there’s no point in me taking a bed I won’t be getting any sleep in, there’s just too much on my mind.”

After sending them off to bed, you remained on the couch, it wasn’t until the first rays of sun peeked through the curtains that sleep finally pulled you under, and even then, your dreams were plagued by your own thoughts.

The smell of coffee and the sizzling sounds of eggs pulled you from your restless sleep. Peeking your head over the couch you saw five bodies, in the kitchen, your son was seated on the counter closest to the stove his legs swinging happily as he watched his father cook, the other three sat at your table a cup of coffee in front of each of them as they watched your son, you could sense an underlying tension in the room, had they confronted Bucky? Pulling yourself from the couch you let out a pained groan, your back screaming at you for sleeping on the too small couch, “Mommy, you’re awake!” your son squealed the second he had seen you.

You smiled at him softly making you way over to him, “good morning baby,” you whispered into his hair as you placed a kiss to his head. You bid the other’s one as well before your eyes were falling on Bucky, he gave you a tight-lipped smile a cup of coffee in his hand, “How are you feeling you questioned?”

“feeling more sore than anything, thank you for helping me out, but I think we need to talk, doll, or at least i have some explaining to do, and apologizing as well.”

You took the cup from his out stretched hand, your brow raised at him, “you think,” you muttered.

Wanting to enjoy a nice breakfast with your son, you dropped the subject for now, but you weren’t going to let him forget you needed to talk. You were relatively quiet during breakfast opting instead to enjoy your son’s joyous chatter as he told everyone surrounding him all he had done the month he had been apart from them. His laughter was contagious as was his bright smile, you almost forgot for a moment the storm looming over you. Once breakfast was finished and the dishes had been cleared, your son had asked if he could show his uncles and auntie Nat, his collection of toy cars you had recently purchased him. You nodded your head, smiling when an excited squeal sounded through the room, your son grabbing as many hands as he could.

The room fell into silence, the sound of a chair scraping against the tiled floor filled the room, you turned your head Bucky sitting in the chair closest to you.

“What are you hiding?” you questioned right off the bat.

A sigh left his lips, his head shook slightly, “there’s no easy way to explain any of this sweetheart.”

You glared at him, “well you better find a damn way too, because I deserve to know what the hell is going on with you.”

“It’s Rumlow,” the name made your breath catch in your throat, “we had underestimated him and how far he was willing to take things, we had stopped some of the business transactions he had been doing around our area and well he wasn’t too happy,” a deep sigh fell from his lips, “a few days after we had done that the first manila envelope showed up on the steps of the club, it was addressed to me,” he took a deep breath his hand that on the table was clenched into a fist, “there was pictures, they were of you and James, he threatened your life,” he growled his eyes boring into yours.

You froze at his words, “as soon as I saw the pictures of the two of you in there, I lost it, I didn’t know what to do sweetheart, he knew how much you two meant to me, and he knew that threatening to come after the two of you would throw me off,” he paused, “I had to do something, and I had to do it quick but I knew that if I did it right away you wouldn’t let me go so easily, so I had to plan it out, I had to slowly push you away from the club, only calling you when it was necessary, even coming home late, it pained me to do any of this sweetheart but that night that I told you I was keeping the two of you safe, I was really doing it.” You remained quiet wanting him to continue, “letters had still been showing up on the doorstep of the club, I thought by pushing you away little by little that they would stop but they didn’t, so I had to do it all together that night, I’m so sorry for what I put you through sweetheart, I would never intentionally hurt you or our son like this if I wasn’t trying my hardest to keep the two of you out of harm’s way, I know it wasn’t the best way to go about things and you probably hate me for the hell I put you through, but I’m so sorry, i didnt think there was another way.”

You took in everything Bucky had just told you, you were frozen in your spot, “why didn’t you say anything, did the club know?” you questioned voice shaky.

“Nobody knew doll, I was always the first one to the club,” he sighed, “I didn’t want to worry anyone, I didn’t want them doing anything that would throw Rumlow off, from the photos I was receiving there was someone scouting the house, and I knew If I told the others they would be rushing over here doing what they could to protect the two of you,” he shook his head, “i felt helpless, and I thought by doing this it would help to protect the two of you, I’ve regretted it every day since.”

You took in a shaky breath, “and did it?” you questioned, “did you stop receiving threats”?

He nodded his head eyes casted down, you slumped in your seat, you didn’t know what to feel. You didn’t know whether to feel angry, sad, happy, scared, you just didn’t know, you were numb to it all, how do you take in the information that your husband had left you and your son a month ago to protect your life. You knew Bucky would go to whatever extent he needed to protect the two of you, but you would have never imagined it going this far, and that’s what worried you. How bad had this threat been to have him planning out weeks of pushing you away, to have him leaving you for a month, the way he did.

“Buck why couldn’t you just talk to me, why couldn’t you tell me what was going on?” you questioned looking up at him through tear filled eyes.

“I was scared doll, I didn’t want to involve you in this, especially with James and how you had been feeling about bringing him to the club, I imagined this only making matters worse, I just, I couldn’t put you through that,”

“Bucky we are in this together, you could have told me what was going on, and I would have understood what it was that you needed to do, you shouldn’t have had to do this alone.”

“sweetheart,” he sighed, “Rumlow is a dangerous man, he’s proved more times than none he will stop at nothing, and the second he threatened your life, I lost it, I wasn’t thinking rationally, all I knew was I needed to protect you and in that moment in time I hadn’t cared how I did it, I didn’t think of the consequences, I didn’t think of the pain I would leave in my wake, I just wanted you safe,” Bucky’s hand reached out to cup your cheek, his thumb wiping away at a tear, “I’m so sorry I put the two of you through this sweetheart, I thought I was doing right, and I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I need you to know how sorry I am, I know now I should have come to you, come to the guys about this, but I was just so fucking scared to lose you, that I did just that,”

“Bucky I-” 

Suddenly gunshots were breaking through the windows of the front of your home a scream tore through you, as glass continued to shatter around you. Bucky was quick to move as he flipped your table, yanking you down with him. You could hear the screams of your son, terror ran through you, you weren’t thinking as you stood with a racing heart running through the kitchen “y/n no!” Bucky yelled over the gunfire; you didn’t make it far as Bucky jumped after you, both your bodies flying to the floor in the hallway, Bucky grunted his body crawling over yours. Tears were streaming down your face, as the gunfire continued to pour through your home, the sound of glass breaking and wood cracking filled your ears. You could still hear your sons screams a few feet away from the two of you, “Bucky,” you choked out.

He pulled you closer to him, your face pressed into his chest, time slowed for you as the rain of gunfire continued. You weren’t sure how long you laid there body pressed in terror against his before the gunfire finally ceased, the sounds of bikes loudly racing away.

“You guys good?” Bucky yelled out.

“We’re all good,” Steve called out, 

“Sweetheart, you okay?”Bucky whispered looking down at you.

You pulled your head from his chest looking up at him, you nodded your head stiffly, “we’re going to get up slowly, and I want you to make your way to James room, you got that?” He questioned.

You didn’t give him an answer as you did what you were told, you were careful as you made your way over to your sons room only to find his bed flipped against the door. You leaned up peeking over it to see them in the farthest corners of his room.

“Mommy!” James cried as he pulled away from Steve’s hold, face red with tears streaming down his face. He ran into you his small arms wrapping around you holding on tightly as he cried into your legs.

You did your best to lean down hugging his tiny frame to you, “mommy,” he hiccupped, “daddy’s bleeding again,” you looked over to where Bucky leaned against the door, his bandaged wound stained in blood.

“Natasha do you think you can check him out please?” you whispered.

Natasha nodded beckoning Bucky closer, it was quiet for a few minutes, your son’s sniffles quieting the longer you held him.

Steve was the first to break the silence, “Buck is there something you want to tell us?”

Bucky stayed silent for a minute wincing when Natasha pierced the needle through his skin, a sigh left his lips before he was retelling the information he had just shared with you in the kitchen.

“goddamnit Buck, why didn’t you come to us earlier, we could have helped you with this, we could have avoided all this,” Steve grunted gesturing around your home.

“Fuck!” bucky hissed as Natasha finished the last stitch, “I know what you all would have done, rumlow already had eyes on the house, on my wife and kid, had I involved any of you, you all would have been in his radar too.”

“You didn’t have to go through this by yourself, we’re a team, a family, we would have figured something out with you, you didn’t need to do any of this.”

Bucky looked over to you, his eyes locking on you and your son, “I know that now,” he voiced quietly.

“Well we need to do something, we can’t let that asshole get away,” Sam piped in.

“We’re not doing anything till I get my family safe, and I know that they’re going to be safe,” Bucky grunted.

Bucky worked quick, he gave you a few hours to pack any salvageable belongings for you and James, you worked silently not lingering to long on things. Most of the rooms towards the front of the home had been destroyed with bullet holes, and your room just so happened to be in the front. You couldn’t help the various what ifs that popped up in your head, as you looked through your clothes, picking out ones that had no damage. Your mind kept racing; what if Bucky had still been in here when it happened, what if you had been in here, what if James had been outside playing, what if after what if played through your mind. You found yourself bracing your hands against your drawers as the tears took over.

“Sweetheart?” Bucky questioned softly from the doorway. You looked over to him, the second he saw your tear stained cheeks he was making his way over to you. You caved the second his arms wrapped around you, “I’m so sorry sweetheart, I’m so sorry I let it get this bad,” he murmured into your hair, pulling you closer the louder your cries got. 

The rest of the afternoon and evening passed you in a blur as Bucky worked on getting you and James somewhere safe Steve, and Natasha had gone to check the location where you would you be moving too was ready for you, while sam was asked to go to the club and get some help in moving the two of you without anyone noticing. You had just finished packing the last of the things for the two of you when you head your sons small voice from his room, “are you not going to come with us daddy, are you still not going to come home?” From where you stood you were able to see your son sitting on the floor surrounded by his toys, Bucky kneeling in front of him.

Bucky took James face in his hand getting him to look up at him, “I won’t be home right away son, but I promise when daddy fixes all this mess that I’m coming home to you, and daddy will spend time with you every day when all this is over.”

“Will you be safe?” he questions in a timid voice, “I know mommy can’t go with you because she has to keep me safe, but will someone be there to keep you safe and fix your booboos, I don’t want anything to happen to you daddy,” he whispered lower lip trembling.

Bucky leaned forward to press his lips to your sons head, “I promise I’ll be okay buddy, I’ll have someone watching my back.”

Your son nodded his head before he was looking back up at his dad, “when you come back home will you tell mommy sorry?” he questioned looking up at him with grey doe eyes, “mommy was really sad when you werent home daddy,” 

He smiled sadly, “I promise I’ll tell her sorry every single day for the rest of my life when I get home,” his head turned towards you, eyes locked on yours, “I’ll also tell her I love her, and that I’ll never hurt her ever again, because you and your mom mean more to me than I could ever put into words, I love you so much,” though his words were spoken to your son, with the intensity his eyes held you knew the words were meant for you to hear.

It was nearing midnight when you finally arrived to your new home, pulling up to the stone gate, you watched Sam punch in a code, the gate swung open immediately, granting the car you were in, and the one behind you entrance. Just as quickly as it had opened it was also quick in closing, “Mommy is this our new home?” your son questioned from beside you.

“I’m not sure baby,” you murmured amazed at the vast expansion of land.

“I hope it is, it’s beautiful mommy, oh mommy look, a playground!” your son pointed out once you drew closer to the house. He was pressed against the window, his breath fogging up the glass, as soon as the car was in park your son was bolting out.

Before you exited the car, you turned to Sam, “I’m assuming you won’t be staying?” you questioned eyes meeting his in the mirror. He shook his head, “We got a lead on Rumlow and if we get moving tonight, we may be able to finish this sooner than later, Nat and Steve are already at the club waiting for us, they fixed up the place already for you guys.”

You nodded your head slowly looking back to your son to see Bucky had joined him your son squealing in delight as Bucky pushed him higher on the swing. You smiled at the sight, you loved seeing your son so happy, your heart clenched at the thought of what they were about to embark on. Your eyes met Sam’s again in the mirror, “Sam promise me you all will be safe, I need you all to come out of this unharmed,” you paused taking in a breath your eyes falling on Bucky, “ I need you to bring him back to us, James needs his dad, and I need him too, I can’t do this without him” Sam turned in his seat his eyes meeting yours, a warm smile on his face, “I promise, we’re bringing him back to you, and I can promise he’s never going to slip up again, not if any of us have a say in it,” he sighed, “that man loves you y/n, he loves you more than anything, even the club, so trust me when I say he’s going to come back to the two of you.”

You nodded your head your hand reaching out to touch Sam’s cheek, “please be safe Samuel, aside from Nat, I don’t think I’d be able to deal with all this chaos without you,” you smiled eyes tearing.

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving you alone with those two,” he chuckled, “now go, go talk to your man, we have to be getting ready soon, and I know if we stall any longer he’s never going to want to leave, not when he just got the two of you back.

Giving Sam one last smile you exited from the car making your way over to the Bucky, you son was giggling happily screaming at you to watch how high he could go. You hated to break your son’s happiness but you know Bucky needed to go.

“you’re going so high baby; say why don’t you and I go inside and check out the rest of the house?” you questioned.

Your son nodded frantically, slowing the swing down with his feet, he jumped from the swing bolting for the front door. Your son entered the home eyes widening, “mommy can I go look?” he questioned you from where you stood with Bucky in the doorway, “sure baby, but before you go, you need to tell daddy bye, he has to go already.” You watched him move forward just as Bucky kneeled his hands wrapping around his neck, “be safe daddy, and please come home, I promise I’ll be good for you and mommy,” he said pulling back and placing a kiss to Bucky’s cheek. Bucky grabbed his face in his hands, “I promise I’m coming home son, and when I do, me and you are going to spend a whole day out here on the swings, now go on and go look at your new room, I have to say goodbye to mommy before I leave.” Your son gave him one last squeeze before he was running into the house, his squeals of delight sounding through the house.

Bucky stood looking at you, “I’ll be back as soon as all this is over and we’ve taken care of Rumlow.”

You nodded your head, “Please be safe, we both need you to come home to us, I can’t do this without you.”

His hand came up to your cheek, “and I promise you won’t have to, I’ll be home sooner than you think,” he assured his thumb running over your skin. Your feet moved your forward, your hands wrapping around him as you pushed yourself into him, though it was awkward Bucky still managed to wrap his arms around you. His lips pressed to your head, “I’m coming home to you and our son doll, and I promise, I won’t ever leave the two of you, ever again.”

You wanted to share those three words with him, the three words that you had longed to say for weeks, but you knew you would need to wait a little longer as Bucky was signaled it was time to go, he was out of time. You watched him walk away from you, you just hoped with every part of your being that this time he would be coming back to you. You watched the cars disappear down the darkened road, looking up to the sky you looked upon the glowing stars and wished.

Just like the first time Bucky had left, James had started to ask if his dad was coming home soon, it wasn’t like the first time, instead of every hour like he had before, now it was once daily every morning that he woke. One week quickly turned to two, and when you were rounding into the third week, you began to worry. There had been no word from anyone, no phone call, no text message, not even a visit since you had arrived to this home. Your mind and body had been restless, the morning of the beginning of week three began the same with James asking you over breakfast if daddy would be home today. You didn’t know what to say anymore, you didn’t want to offer him any broken promises because quite frankly you just didn’t know anymore. While you were tending to the dirty dishes James asked if he could go play outside on the swings for a bit, “of course sweetie, I’ll be out shortly just let me finish up here and I’ll join you, make sure you leave the door open just close the screen behind you,” you reminded him as his feet ran through the house. You went back to the dishes, you found this was the only way to keep your thoughts from running, if you do use solely on one task there was no way your mind could wander away from you.

You were on the last dish when you heard your son screaming for you. His screams of your name were incessant, you dropped the plate into the sink shutting off the water hurriedly as you ran through the living room, and out the door onto the porch. You looked over to your son who was still by the swings, then you saw the unknown car pulling up from a distance.

“James sweetheart run to mommy,” you called worried, “hurry!”

James looked at you with wide eyes and ran for you the fastest his little legs could carry him. The closer the car got the closer you pushed you and James to the door of the house. Your heart was thrumming away in your chest, “mommy I’m scared,” James called from behind your legs.

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay mommy’s here,” you hushed.

You watched with baited breath as the car pulled to a stop, the black tint making it hard to see who was inside. You took another step back as the door was swung open, a foot peeked out first. You watched and waited, your heart raced eyes going wide as the person pulled themselves from the car.

“Daddy!” Your son squealed as he bolted past his hiding spot behind the back of your legs racing down the steps and into his fathers awaiting arms. Your legs wanted to give out on you, you held onto the doorway as you looked on at the sign in front of you, your eyes watering. You watched as Bucky lifted James into his arms, shutting the car door with his foot as he made his way over to you. You couldn’t tear your eyes away the closer he drew, until he was inches away from you. “Hey sweetheart,” he murmured a small smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

You didn’t think twice as you closed the distance between the two of you, your lips crashing into his, “ewwww,” your son squealed, “that’s gross!”

You smiled into the kiss before you were pulling away slightly, you hands came up to cup Bucky’s face in your hands, your fingers roamed the skin there, “you came home,” you whispered through a smile a tear falling from your eye.

Bucky’s finger reached up to wipe it away, “I made a promise doll,”

“Is everyone okay, is he-“ you sucked in a breath, “is he taken care of?”

“Everyone’s okay, no one got hurt,” he reassured, “yeah he was taken care of, we won’t be seeing him ever again.”

“So what’s going to happen now?” You questioned, “what about our home?”

Another smile pulled at Bucky’s lips as his arm wove around your back, pulling you and James closer to him, he placed a kiss to his sons head before he was looking down at you.

“We are home,”he stated, “home for me is wherever the two of your are.”

Another tear fell from your eyes as you leaned up to press your lips to his once more, “I love you,” you whispered into his lips.

“I love you too.”


End file.
